Thank you all for your support and encouragement after my last blog! I know our community supports us and is praying for us and our little girl. (And yes Carol- your comment did make me smile).
A quick update for you all. After my blog a few weeks ago, Jenn was thoughtful enough to give us the name and number of her doctor's office. We were both seen last week and our labs and blood tests should be back this week. The office does have a notary there (our last did not) and we should have all the needed paperwork back on Thursday when I go for my last appointment. This was a huge prayer request, so thank you all! We are currently working on the rest of our paperwork so that we can mail it in to our social worker. She needs our packet back before she can schedule our home study update.
When I was at the doctor's on Thursday, he was going through my medical history, asking me about past diseases and surgeries and current medications. When he finally connected the fact that he was preparing our adoption medical form, with the fact that I am also on birth control, he looked at me kinda funny. I knew what he was thinking, so I didn't make him ask the question. I just simply said, "We just want to adopt." I think sometimes it is hard for people to understand that we would want to adopt when we have no idea whether we can have biological children or not. I wasn't offended, but maybe he (and others that know us better) can see the love of Christ through us in this decision and throughout this process. (My last doctor didn't ever ask us, but her parents were missionaries to Africa and she spent much of her life there).
If you could continue to pray for us and our daughter, that would be wonderful. We need continued diligence in completing the paperwork. We are very excited to get things rolling, but sometimes when there is a mound of paperwork waiting for us, it is too overwhelming. And this leads to a bit of procrastination... Please pray that things would run smoothly at this point and that we would continue to trust and have patience. We love you all and thank you for loving us back!!!
5.25.2008
5.15.2008
My Mat
So, last night John and I had the pleasure of speaking with our new social worker, Johanna (silent H). We've been emailing back and forth for the last several weeks and I have spoken with her on the phone once, but this was much more lengthy. We really like her and I feel much better than in the past that she will help us complete our paperwork. She actually seems to care whether we get a baby and acts like our adoption is important to her.
That being said, we have to do a lot of paperwork over. I mean a lot. Like almost everything. So, that's a bit discouraging. As a positivity guru, part of me says, "Well, at least we know what we're doing this time, so it should go much faster," and, "We are in a much better place financially than we were a year ago (with John's salary), so we will look better on paper," etc. Those things are true, but I don't know if that is God's reason for all this delay or not. Perhaps our baby just isn't ready yet... but I know we are.
The truth is, this has been one of the hardest years of our lives already, and I hope that it doesn't continue on for another whole year. The adoption wasn't all that contributed to this year being hard, but it was definitely a part of it. So, alright Angel, here goes for the bearing of Emily's soul for all to read. (I don't do this very often, but I'm assured it will be therapeutic and good reading for the rest of you).
John and I chose this road. We have never tried to conceive a child, so that is not a reason for our adoption. We knew before we got married that this was the path we were supposed to take. And we have not faltered in that decision. We knew this path would be difficult and different and we are totally okay with that. And I have never begrudged anyone the choices they made. I just want to let you all know that before I go on. Because I feel alone in this decision a lot (I say "I" not because I'm excluding John, but because I don't necessarily want to speak for him). I know that our community supports us in this decision and that you are all praying for us, but it's the part of really understanding what we are going through that's different. When a member of my community gets pregnant, all the other women who have ever been pregnant sit around and talk about what that experience is like (a lot). They give advise and warnings and they can truly appreciate the joy of feeling a first kick, etc. But we don't have that (especially a visual reminder). I feel I have to explain the adoption language to people, something I don't really understand myself very well. Very few people have felt what we are feeling right now.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about my friends or family or anything. It's just that sometimes the road less traveled is a lonely one. I feel like because we chose this path deliberately, I'm not allowed to complain or be upset. If someone is having a hard time conceiving, people can understand that. It's not their fault. But I feel that just by making this choice, we have lost our right to be frustrated or something. "If we really wanted a kid, we could just have one the regular way." And I know that statement is true. But then there's a small Ethiopian girl waiting for a family that will never come get her because they didn't want to wait, or fill out another financial form, or get another background check. There has been a little girl growing in my heart for the last 15 months and I don't want to give up now. Someone who gets pregnant doesn't give up on their baby and I don't want to either. (And I can only imagine how a woman would feel if she was pregnant for 15 months!)
But it doesn't make the wait any easier. No one would ever say to a couple having problems conceiving, "You're so lucky you don't have kids yet," or, "At least Mother's Day doesn't affect you." (Both have been said to us recently). We want a child as much as anyone else and we want the one that is meant for us and we feel that she is in an orphanage in Ethiopia. So we will wait and we will pray and we will try to be patient some more. But if you all could wait and pray and be patient with us, that would be really helpful. Because we might have chosen this mat, but I feel like we need some help carrying it. Thanks for loving us through this, we appreciate all of you that pray. I know that God hears you, so speak as loud as you want in the next few months!
That being said, we have to do a lot of paperwork over. I mean a lot. Like almost everything. So, that's a bit discouraging. As a positivity guru, part of me says, "Well, at least we know what we're doing this time, so it should go much faster," and, "We are in a much better place financially than we were a year ago (with John's salary), so we will look better on paper," etc. Those things are true, but I don't know if that is God's reason for all this delay or not. Perhaps our baby just isn't ready yet... but I know we are.
The truth is, this has been one of the hardest years of our lives already, and I hope that it doesn't continue on for another whole year. The adoption wasn't all that contributed to this year being hard, but it was definitely a part of it. So, alright Angel, here goes for the bearing of Emily's soul for all to read. (I don't do this very often, but I'm assured it will be therapeutic and good reading for the rest of you).
John and I chose this road. We have never tried to conceive a child, so that is not a reason for our adoption. We knew before we got married that this was the path we were supposed to take. And we have not faltered in that decision. We knew this path would be difficult and different and we are totally okay with that. And I have never begrudged anyone the choices they made. I just want to let you all know that before I go on. Because I feel alone in this decision a lot (I say "I" not because I'm excluding John, but because I don't necessarily want to speak for him). I know that our community supports us in this decision and that you are all praying for us, but it's the part of really understanding what we are going through that's different. When a member of my community gets pregnant, all the other women who have ever been pregnant sit around and talk about what that experience is like (a lot). They give advise and warnings and they can truly appreciate the joy of feeling a first kick, etc. But we don't have that (especially a visual reminder). I feel I have to explain the adoption language to people, something I don't really understand myself very well. Very few people have felt what we are feeling right now.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about my friends or family or anything. It's just that sometimes the road less traveled is a lonely one. I feel like because we chose this path deliberately, I'm not allowed to complain or be upset. If someone is having a hard time conceiving, people can understand that. It's not their fault. But I feel that just by making this choice, we have lost our right to be frustrated or something. "If we really wanted a kid, we could just have one the regular way." And I know that statement is true. But then there's a small Ethiopian girl waiting for a family that will never come get her because they didn't want to wait, or fill out another financial form, or get another background check. There has been a little girl growing in my heart for the last 15 months and I don't want to give up now. Someone who gets pregnant doesn't give up on their baby and I don't want to either. (And I can only imagine how a woman would feel if she was pregnant for 15 months!)
But it doesn't make the wait any easier. No one would ever say to a couple having problems conceiving, "You're so lucky you don't have kids yet," or, "At least Mother's Day doesn't affect you." (Both have been said to us recently). We want a child as much as anyone else and we want the one that is meant for us and we feel that she is in an orphanage in Ethiopia. So we will wait and we will pray and we will try to be patient some more. But if you all could wait and pray and be patient with us, that would be really helpful. Because we might have chosen this mat, but I feel like we need some help carrying it. Thanks for loving us through this, we appreciate all of you that pray. I know that God hears you, so speak as loud as you want in the next few months!
5.08.2008
New Prayer Requests
We got an email from our new social worker on Tuesday. She got the home study and the certification (yeah!). She had already let us know that we would have to do an update for the home study, but I guess we didn't realize what all that was going to entail. I was a little disappointed when I saw the list of things to redo. We have to get new background checks, new physicals, a new home visit, new employment verifications and new Child Protective Services documents. It makes sense because we did all of this about a year ago when we did our first home study, but I guess I didn't realize it would all need to be redone.
Please pray that we would be able to get this done quickly.
Please pray that we would find a new doctor soon since the one that did our last physical is no longer practicing.
Please pray that God would provide a notary to go to the doctor with us (again). All of the medical forms have to be notarized.
Please pray that everyone else that we count on (our employers, the county) would do their pieces of this quickly.
Thanks again for praying! As you can see, we really need it. We love you for being interested in our lives and supporting us in this adventure.
Please pray that we would be able to get this done quickly.
Please pray that we would find a new doctor soon since the one that did our last physical is no longer practicing.
Please pray that God would provide a notary to go to the doctor with us (again). All of the medical forms have to be notarized.
Please pray that everyone else that we count on (our employers, the county) would do their pieces of this quickly.
Thanks again for praying! As you can see, we really need it. We love you for being interested in our lives and supporting us in this adventure.
5.04.2008
What's Going On Right Now?
Okay, I will not be posting on this thing everyday or anything, so you can all breathe a sigh of relief! It's just that my first post didn't really give an update of what was going on in the adoption process. We really do need some prayer right now, so I thought I would fill you all in and ask that you guys remember us in your prayers. I'll start from the beginning, but I'll try to be short and sweet.
In February 2007, John and I started the process to adopt a little girl from India. Shortly after we completed the initial application and got approved, we found out that India changed their adoption laws and we no longer qualified to adopt from that country (we are not old enough). We quickly changed our paperwork to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia. We spent the next 9 months or so filling out paperwork, visiting with social workers, collecting birth and marriage certificates, getting background checks, getting physicals and generally showing everyone that we were financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically ready to take care of an orphan from across the world.
Around Thanksgiving last year, the adoption agency that we had been working with told us that their channels to place children from Ethiopia might be falling through and they were working on getting things fixed. After Christmas, they made it official and told us that they could no longer place children from Ethiopia. If we wanted to continue the process, we would have to find another agency to work with. Many people ask me if we could have changed countries. The answer to that is yes, but we would have had to start over from the beginning. Each country is different in what they require and all of our paperwork was Ethiopia specific. Plus, we didn't really want to pick another country. We had spent the last 10-11 months in this mind set and we have gotten attached to the idea of a little girl from Ethiopia.
We found another agency to work with (one that has a social worker here in Tucson) and started the paperwork with them. We filled out their initial application and had our old agency send our paperwork to them to review. We were hoping it would be a smooth transition and that we would be almost done with this chunk of the process. It turns out, I was being a little optimistic.
We found out about a month ago that the home study we had completed with our previous social worker had never been returned by our county's court system (a requirement for the state of Arizona). Our new social worker told us last week that if we didn't get it back soon, we would most likely have to redo our entire home study (an expensive part of the process). She also didn't really know how much of our other paperwork we would have to redo.
Well, we heard from our new social worker on Friday and they received the paperwork back from the county that they needed! This is a very good thing since now we won't have to redo the home study. We will have to do an update, which means that the new social worker will come to our house to check us out since it has been a year since we met with the previous social worker. She is sending the rest of our paperwork (called our dossier- pronounced dos-ee-ey) to our case worker in Virginia to review. She will let us know what else we need to redo. So, that's where we are now.
Prayer:
Please pray that as much of our paperwork as possible will transfer over. It took us a long time to get everything together and we would like to move to the next stage of the process.
Please pray that anything that we need to redo would be done quickly with no delays.
Pray that we would be very proactive from this point on. Sometimes John and I don't like to push people and that has caused some delays in the past. Pray that we would be bold for our little girl!
Pray for our little girl in Ethiopia. She is most likely already born and waiting for us. Pray that she would attach and bond with someone taking care of her to ease the bonding process with us. Pray for protection and good health and that God would be shaping her to fit in our family perfectly.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I will try to do this more regularly so that it's not so long next time. We love you all and thank you so much for your support during this long and rough process! We could not do this without you.
In February 2007, John and I started the process to adopt a little girl from India. Shortly after we completed the initial application and got approved, we found out that India changed their adoption laws and we no longer qualified to adopt from that country (we are not old enough). We quickly changed our paperwork to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia. We spent the next 9 months or so filling out paperwork, visiting with social workers, collecting birth and marriage certificates, getting background checks, getting physicals and generally showing everyone that we were financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically ready to take care of an orphan from across the world.
Around Thanksgiving last year, the adoption agency that we had been working with told us that their channels to place children from Ethiopia might be falling through and they were working on getting things fixed. After Christmas, they made it official and told us that they could no longer place children from Ethiopia. If we wanted to continue the process, we would have to find another agency to work with. Many people ask me if we could have changed countries. The answer to that is yes, but we would have had to start over from the beginning. Each country is different in what they require and all of our paperwork was Ethiopia specific. Plus, we didn't really want to pick another country. We had spent the last 10-11 months in this mind set and we have gotten attached to the idea of a little girl from Ethiopia.
We found another agency to work with (one that has a social worker here in Tucson) and started the paperwork with them. We filled out their initial application and had our old agency send our paperwork to them to review. We were hoping it would be a smooth transition and that we would be almost done with this chunk of the process. It turns out, I was being a little optimistic.
We found out about a month ago that the home study we had completed with our previous social worker had never been returned by our county's court system (a requirement for the state of Arizona). Our new social worker told us last week that if we didn't get it back soon, we would most likely have to redo our entire home study (an expensive part of the process). She also didn't really know how much of our other paperwork we would have to redo.
Well, we heard from our new social worker on Friday and they received the paperwork back from the county that they needed! This is a very good thing since now we won't have to redo the home study. We will have to do an update, which means that the new social worker will come to our house to check us out since it has been a year since we met with the previous social worker. She is sending the rest of our paperwork (called our dossier- pronounced dos-ee-ey) to our case worker in Virginia to review. She will let us know what else we need to redo. So, that's where we are now.
Prayer:
Please pray that as much of our paperwork as possible will transfer over. It took us a long time to get everything together and we would like to move to the next stage of the process.
Please pray that anything that we need to redo would be done quickly with no delays.
Pray that we would be very proactive from this point on. Sometimes John and I don't like to push people and that has caused some delays in the past. Pray that we would be bold for our little girl!
Pray for our little girl in Ethiopia. She is most likely already born and waiting for us. Pray that she would attach and bond with someone taking care of her to ease the bonding process with us. Pray for protection and good health and that God would be shaping her to fit in our family perfectly.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I will try to do this more regularly so that it's not so long next time. We love you all and thank you so much for your support during this long and rough process! We could not do this without you.
5.03.2008
A Pile of Cake®
Many people know that my husband's favorite food is cake. (Some people laugh at this, but I find it endearing. How many adults are truthful enough to admit that a dessert is their favorite food?) The other day, John really wanted a cake, so after unsuccessfully begging me to make him a cake, he decided to try it himself. Now, John is a really good chef. In the almost five years we have been married, he has learned the art of making an amazing dinner. But I am the baker in the family and cake was uncharted territory for him.
So he greased the pan, he preheated the oven, he mixed the cake mix (yes, from a box) and the eggs and the oil and by the time it was done baking, it looked and smelled like a wonderful cake. It wasn't overcooked, it was perfect. This was something my mom would have been proud of... Until he tried to remove it from the pan. This is when disaster struck. You see, John didn't know he really should have greased and floured the pan because the box didn't tell him to do that. It's a trick newbies don't know. When he flipped the cake over to remove it from the 9x13, the middle fell out and the edges stayed in. So, we were left with something we dubbed immediately as "A Pile of Cake®". (John is so fond of this term that he insisted we trademark it- another quirky, endearing trait).
Now some people might have been upset by this, and to be honest, if I had needed it for a birthday or something, I would have been one of those people. But since we didn't have any frosting anyway, we just ate it as it was, in bowls. And it was delicious- still warm from the oven, moist, and heavenly.
Why am I equating this story with our adoption, you may ask? Well, I'm not that great at metaphors or anything, but I think this is a great metaphor for what we are going through right now. We've been on the journey of adoption now for over 15 months and while we started out expecting the unexpected, you really can't expect the unexpected. It has taken longer than we thought and there have been turns we didn't see coming. We thought we were going to adopt from India before that country changed their adoption criteria. We thought John would get offered a permanent job sooner than he did. We thought that we'd have a baby by now. But we hold on to faith that even though things aren't happening in our timing or in the way we thought they would, it will still be a great, wonderful outcome in the end when we have our Ethiopian princess. So even though we started this process imagining a perfectly shaped 9x13 cake, I think we might like the Pile of Cake® we end up with even better.
So he greased the pan, he preheated the oven, he mixed the cake mix (yes, from a box) and the eggs and the oil and by the time it was done baking, it looked and smelled like a wonderful cake. It wasn't overcooked, it was perfect. This was something my mom would have been proud of... Until he tried to remove it from the pan. This is when disaster struck. You see, John didn't know he really should have greased and floured the pan because the box didn't tell him to do that. It's a trick newbies don't know. When he flipped the cake over to remove it from the 9x13, the middle fell out and the edges stayed in. So, we were left with something we dubbed immediately as "A Pile of Cake®". (John is so fond of this term that he insisted we trademark it- another quirky, endearing trait).
Now some people might have been upset by this, and to be honest, if I had needed it for a birthday or something, I would have been one of those people. But since we didn't have any frosting anyway, we just ate it as it was, in bowls. And it was delicious- still warm from the oven, moist, and heavenly.
Why am I equating this story with our adoption, you may ask? Well, I'm not that great at metaphors or anything, but I think this is a great metaphor for what we are going through right now. We've been on the journey of adoption now for over 15 months and while we started out expecting the unexpected, you really can't expect the unexpected. It has taken longer than we thought and there have been turns we didn't see coming. We thought we were going to adopt from India before that country changed their adoption criteria. We thought John would get offered a permanent job sooner than he did. We thought that we'd have a baby by now. But we hold on to faith that even though things aren't happening in our timing or in the way we thought they would, it will still be a great, wonderful outcome in the end when we have our Ethiopian princess. So even though we started this process imagining a perfectly shaped 9x13 cake, I think we might like the Pile of Cake® we end up with even better.
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